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WhizzrDay

July 30, 2002

I spent this past weekend with The Marcy and Todd. Celly came up from North Carolina. Lisa and John (aka MrWhizzr) also joined us from the wilds of New Jersey.

We all met up at Todd and Marcy's place on Saturday afternoon. We all sat around chatting and watching 80's music videos on VH1 until it was decided that we were all getting pretty hungry. Since as a group we have all of the deciding powers of a damp washcloth, the best idea seemed to hit the Food Court at the local mall.

After everyone consumed their epicurean delights, we wandered about the mall en masse. We played in the Disney store, giggled in Spencer's Gifts and laughed in Chesapeake Knife and Tool. I think I was actually the only one laughing in the knife store and even then it was internalized. As soon as we started wandering through there, browsing the cases, the two guys behind the counters started playing with their knives. They both had four inch thumb opening lock-blades and kept flicking them open and closed. FLICK-click. FLICK-click. It was like "Dueling Banjos" only with more teeth and less talent.

Later that night we all went to Outback Steakhouse. On the surface we were just three couples out for a meal. In fact, Lisa (of JohnandLisa) specifically told us all not to mention to the our waitress Babs that it was John's birthday. Of course the fact that she mentioned this right in front of our waitress Babs led to speculation that she may not have been entirely sincere. I believed in her though. *blink*

That's right, children, our boy whizzed into his fifth decade this past Saturday with the help of a few rounds of Wallaby Darneds and a cup of Blue Bell ice cream (the preferred ice cream of Fyne Texas Wenches (tm) everywhere). The plan was to have brownies and ice cream back at Casa de Snarky but everyone was so stuffed that we just presented Old Man River with his cards and gifts. Todd and Marcy gave John a dancing hamster that sang "Bad Boys", the theme from "Cops". The card from Celly and me also played music. Our gift was a brand new pair of training wheels for his motorcycle. (They say your balance starts to go as you age. I haven't noticed myself but then I haven't even reached the tender young age of 35 yet. *ahem*) I only saw Lisa give her husband a card so he probably didn't get her present until they got back to their hotel room.

*blink-blink*

Before everyone went their seperate ways on Sunday, Lisa treated us all to eggs, bacon, biscuits and sausage gravy. Oh yes, the weekend could not be complete unless we partook in the Snipe Memorial Breakfast of biscuits and sausage gravy. Mmmmm. She also brought out a musical candle placed in a pastry. Now that I think about it, it was a very musical weekend. It was also a very nice, relaxing weekend. I got spend time with some important people in my life and they got to know each other better. Although I'm still not totally convinced that is such a good idea.

~ 5 coins donated



Topless

July 24, 2002

So the other day I'm driving home from work. It's a little less than the typical summer afternoon in the greater DC Metropolitan area in that the air wasn't quite the consistancy of overcooked oatmeal. It was more like, well, air. Regardless, I still had all the windows rolled up and the A/C set on "Arctic Blast". (Hey, I paid for a car with A/C so I'm gonna use it, damnit.)

Anyway, here I was cruising along with the rest of traffic at the mind boggling speed of approximately 15 m.p.h. when a chick in a little convertible whips past me and cuts in front of the car in front of me. Now in the interest of full disclosure, she was only going about 5 m.p.h. faster than the rest of us, but it was enough that I noticed it and in my head went, "Whoa, honey! The good parking spot in front of your condo will still be there when you get home."

The car in front of me turned at the next light which put me right behind Little Miss Black Convertible. I noticed that she had long brown hair pulled back into a ponytail but couldn't tell anything else about her. That more than anything I think saved me from having sexual fantasies about her, that car and a set of metric wrenches. What can I say, the drive home is usually pretty boring because John Ballard on DC101 sucks more afternoon ass than a Southwest airlines flight overbooked for a Weight Watchers convention in Las Vegas.

In order to avoid the highways, I take a more circumbendibus route home than you might think if you were to look at a map of the area. I ended up following the chick in the convertible for a couple of miles because she kept taking my turns before I got to them. While I thought this odd at the time I did start to wonder if she was going to think I was stalking her ('cause you know, it's all about ME). Even though I hadn't seen anything but the back of her head it's a chick in a convertible, dude! I was already mentally polishing my metric tool set. And no, that's not a euphemism, ya freakin' perverts.

It wasn't until we both stopped at a red light that I realized it was a guy. I immediately switched my mental gears. As he slowly turned his head to the right and I got my first clear look at his face, I began repeatedly punching myself in the crotch. Black convertible, Miata, ponytail, guy? Fuck. It was Todd.

If you'll excuse me now, I have to go scrub my brain with some steel wool and a Clorox/napalm cleanser.

~ 7 coins donated



Know Thy Clanchief

July 19, 2002

This is a test. It is only a test. If this had been a real emergency, you would have heard LOUD OBNOXIOUS sirens by now.

~ 5 coins donated



Blood Bills

July 19, 2002

Good grief, do people still read this thing? I know I haven't updated in like forever (or almost two weeks, whichever comes first) but there hasn't really been anything to update.

I finally went to the doctor for my bloodwork again. It is such a pain in the ass to drive down there. It takes about 30 minutes to get there and I end up sitting in the waiting room for another 20 minutes, reading month old copies of Golf Digest or whatever out of date subscription they currently have. Then they take my blood and I leave to come back to work. An hour and half out of my day. Luckily I don't have to use vacation time for it, but still it's a pain. So I asked my doctor about it and she said there is actually a LabCorp in Arlington where I can have the blood drawn. It's only 10 minutes away and hopefully they've got better magazines in their waiting room -- like Penthouse.

I also managed to get a consolidation loan for all those pesky little (little? HA!) hospital bills from the Great Clot Incident. It's nice having them paid off and only have one check to write every month. I still owe a metric butt-ton of money though, but I finally feel like I'm getting it under control. This has been a constant source of stress for the last two years. Slowly but surely I'm getting my shit together... 'cause y'know I have plans. ;)

~ 3 coins donated



Roadtrip!!

July 8, 2002

So I decided that I needed a little getaway with my lovely Celly. We chose the exciting vacation spot of Bergen County, NJ. No really, it's an often overlooked hotbed of excitement and nightlife. Okay, actually I was just parading the Wench in front of John and Lisa for their approval. Which they gave, by the way.

We arrived at Salim's Lot early Saturday afternoon. After the initial hugs we settled down and got caught up. Their dog, Munchie, kept giving me the hairy eyeball and voicing his general displeasure at having his naptime interrupted. Eventually I won him over though with my natural charm, wit and a pocket full of bacon.

John and Lisa's eldest, Samantha, left after a few minutes to visit with her boyfriend. (Samantha and Yoshi sitting in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G...) Lexi, the middle child and my buddy in All Things Purple, soon returned from her very first flute lesson. Naturally we were all subjected treated to a brief recital of all seven bars she had learned. She actually did pretty well for only one half hour lesson. Travis, the youngest, didn't play any instruments, just video games. (Hey Travis, bagpipes dude. Chicks dig bagpipes.)

Soon SnoCat showed up, followed by Madmage and Flame. We all sat out on the front steps while Lisa prepared foodage. Don't get me wrong, we all offered to help but she explained in patient dulcet tones that she could not share the secrets of the Divine Uber Hostess Sisterhood with outsiders. Of course it sounded more like "Get out!" but I wasn't really paying attention.

After awhile we all moved inside and started munching. Dawn and David made it finally, then Crickett and Mike. Of course, things didn't really start flowing until Rocket showed up with Mudslide fixin's.

The LundePumpkin brought Sylvia, one of his forge workers. There was food, stories, food, laughter, food, mockery of Iron Chef... did I mention there was food? Gah, I ate so much I thought I would explode. Lisa cleverly disguised several tons of food as appetizers. It's all so deceptive when it's that small.

Eventually the party segregated into smaller groups as parties are wont to do. In the dining room most of the males were busy playing on John's computer. In the living room, all the ladies gathered to discuss weddings, dyeable shoes, menses and AVON. Where was I? That's right, gentle reader, where any good Rogue would be -- with the Wenches. Hehehehe.

On Sunday, Celly and I returned to the house to partake in the Snipe Memorial Breakfast of bisquits and sausage gravy. Yummies! The rest of the morning was spent chatting and telling embarassing stories (mostly about ME) until it was time to hit the road. With a final nod of approval and explicit instructions to "keep this one", we were off on the way back to Virginia. All in all it was a very relaxing weekend with some of the people I love most in the world. What can be better than that?

~ 3 coins donated



Independence Day

July 4, 2002

IN CONGRESS, July 4, 1776.

The unanimous Declaration of the thirteen united States of America,

When in the Course of human events, it becomes necessary for one people to dissolve the political bands which have connected them with another, and to assume among the powers of the earth, the separate and equal station to which the Laws of Nature and of Nature's God entitle them, a decent respect to the opinions of mankind requires that they should declare the causes which impel them to the separation.

We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness.--That to secure these rights, Governments are instituted among Men, deriving their just powers from the consent of the governed, --That whenever any Form of Government becomes destructive of these ends, it is the Right of the People to alter or to abolish it, and to institute new Government, laying its foundation on such principles and organizing its powers in such form, as to them shall seem most likely to effect their Safety and Happiness. Prudence, indeed, will dictate that Governments long established should not be changed for light and transient causes; and accordingly all experience hath shewn, that mankind are more disposed to suffer, while evils are sufferable, than to right themselves by abolishing the forms to which they are accustomed. But when a long train of abuses and usurpations, pursuing invariably the same Object evinces a design to reduce them under absolute Despotism, it is their right, it is their duty, to throw off such Government, and to provide new Guards for their future security.--Such has been the patient sufferance of these Colonies; and such is now the necessity which constrains them to alter their former Systems of Government. The history of the present King of Great Britain is a history of repeated injuries and usurpations, all having in direct object the establishment of an absolute Tyranny over these States. To prove this, let Facts be submitted to a candid world.

He has refused his Assent to Laws, the most wholesome and necessary for the public good.
He has forbidden his Governors to pass Laws of immediate and pressing importance, unless suspended in their operation till his Assent should be obtained; and when so suspended, he has utterly neglected to attend to them.
He has refused to pass other Laws for the accommodation of large districts of people, unless those people would relinquish the right of Representation in the Legislature, a right inestimable to them and formidable to tyrants only.
He has called together legislative bodies at places unusual, uncomfortable, and distant from the depository of their public Records, for the sole purpose of fatiguing them into compliance with his measures.
He has dissolved Representative Houses repeatedly, for opposing with manly firmness his invasions on the rights of the people.
He has refused for a long time, after such dissolutions, to cause others to be elected; whereby the Legislative powers, incapable of Annihilation, have returned to the People at large for their exercise; the State remaining in the mean time exposed to all the dangers of invasion from without, and convulsions within.
He has endeavoured to prevent the population of these States; for that purpose obstructing the Laws for Naturalization of Foreigners; refusing to pass others to encourage their migrations hither, and raising the conditions of new Appropriations of Lands.
He has obstructed the Administration of Justice, by refusing his Assent to Laws for establishing Judiciary powers.
He has made Judges dependent on his Will alone, for the tenure of their offices, and the amount and payment of their salaries.
He has erected a multitude of New Offices, and sent hither swarms of Officers to harrass our people, and eat out their substance.
He has kept among us, in times of peace, Standing Armies without the Consent of our legislatures.
He has affected to render the Military independent of and superior to the Civil power.
He has combined with others to subject us to a jurisdiction foreign to our constitution, and unacknowledged by our laws; giving his Assent to their Acts of pretended Legislation:
For Quartering large bodies of armed troops among us:
For protecting them, by a mock Trial, from punishment for any Murders which they should commit on the Inhabitants of these States:
For cutting off our Trade with all parts of the world:
For imposing Taxes on us without our Consent:
For depriving us in many cases, of the benefits of Trial by Jury:
For transporting us beyond Seas to be tried for pretended offences
For abolishing the free System of English Laws in a neighbouring Province, establishing therein an Arbitrary government, and enlarging its Boundaries so as to render it at once an example and fit instrument for introducing the same absolute rule into these Colonies:
For taking away our Charters, abolishing our most valuable Laws, and altering fundamentally the Forms of our Governments:
For suspending our own Legislatures, and declaring themselves invested with power to legislate for us in all cases whatsoever.
He has abdicated Government here, by declaring us out of his Protection and waging War against us.
He has plundered our seas, ravaged our Coasts, burnt our towns, and destroyed the lives of our people.
He is at this time transporting large Armies of foreign Mercenaries to compleat the works of death, desolation and tyranny, already begun with circumstances of Cruelty & perfidy scarcely paralleled in the most barbarous ages, and totally unworthy the Head of a civilized nation.
He has constrained our fellow Citizens taken Captive on the high Seas to bear Arms against their Country, to become the executioners of their friends and Brethren, or to fall themselves by their Hands.
He has excited domestic insurrections amongst us, and has endeavoured to bring on the inhabitants of our frontiers, the merciless Indian Savages, whose known rule of warfare, is an undistinguished destruction of all ages, sexes and conditions.

In every stage of these Oppressions We have Petitioned for Redress in the most humble terms: Our repeated Petitions have been answered only by repeated injury. A Prince whose character is thus marked by every act which may define a Tyrant, is unfit to be the ruler of a free people.

Nor have We been wanting in attentions to our Brittish brethren. We have warned them from time to time of attempts by their legislature to extend an unwarrantable jurisdiction over us. We have reminded them of the circumstances of our emigration and settlement here. We have appealed to their native justice and magnanimity, and we have conjured them by the ties of our common kindred to disavow these usurpations, which, would inevitably interrupt our connections and correspondence. They too have been deaf to the voice of justice and of consanguinity. We must, therefore, acquiesce in the necessity, which denounces our Separation, and hold them, as we hold the rest of mankind, Enemies in War, in Peace Friends.

We, therefore, the Representatives of the united States of America, in General Congress, Assembled, appealing to the Supreme Judge of the world for the rectitude of our intentions, do, in the Name, and by Authority of the good People of these Colonies, solemnly publish and declare, That these United Colonies are, and of Right ought to be Free and Independent States; that they are Absolved from all Allegiance to the British Crown, and that all political connection between them and the State of Great Britain, is and ought to be totally dissolved; and that as Free and Independent States, they have full Power to levy War, conclude Peace, contract Alliances, establish Commerce, and to do all other Acts and Things which Independent States may of right do. And for the support of this Declaration, with a firm reliance on the protection of divine Providence, we mutually pledge to each other our Lives, our Fortunes and our sacred Honor.

Georgia:
Button Gwinnett
Lyman Hall
George Walton
North Carolina:
William Hooper
Joseph Hewes
John Penn

South Carolina:
Edward Rutledge
Thomas Heyward, Jr.
Thomas Lynch, Jr.
Arthur Middleton
Massachusetts:
John Hancock

Maryland:
Samuel Chase
William Paca
Thomas Stone
Charles Carroll of Carrollton


Virginia:
George Wythe
Richard Henry Lee
Thomas Jefferson
Benjamin Harrison
Thomas Nelson, Jr.
Francis Lightfoot Lee
Carter Braxton
Pennsylvania:
Robert Morris
Benjamin Rush
Benjamin Franklin
John Morton
George Clymer
James Smith
George Taylor
James Wilson
George Ross

Delaware:
Caesar Rodney
George Read
Thomas McKean
New York:
William Floyd
Philip Livingston
Francis Lewis
Lewis Morris

New Jersey:
Richard Stockton
John Witherspoon
Francis Hopkinson
John Hart
Abraham Clark
New Hampshire:
Josiah Bartlett
William Whipple

Massachusetts:
Samuel Adams
John Adams
Robert Treat Paine
Elbridge Gerry

Rhode Island:
Stephen Hopkins
William Ellery

Connecticut:
Roger Sherman
Samuel Huntington
William Williams
Oliver Wolcott

New Hampshire:
Matthew Thornton

~ 2 coins donated



Boobies and Corsets

July 2, 2002

Well, the Suday was much the same as Saturday. Boring. That's okay though, because my next couple of weekends are going to be pretty full. I did manage to at least wash clothes and finish some Boobie tokens. I haven't taken a picture of one yet because I'm still not entirely satisfied with them. Something seems to be missing. I'll just have to stare at them some more to figure out what.

So my big plan was to get up almost pre-dawn on Monday morning and start excercising. Do I really need to tell you how successful that plan was? I didn't think so. I figured that I could just start today and be fine. HA, I say! Not only did I not get up in time, but I didn't sleep well last night because a damn mosquito was whirring about my room All. Damn. Night.

I'm not giving up though. I want to work out and I want to do it first thing in the morning. Of course it would be easier to get up in the morning if I got to bed before 1:00 AM. Hey, it's not my fault! Have you ever tried to get a decent night's rest after a woman tries picking your brain by showing you corset sites and asking if you think she would look good in such a garment?! I mean, is it my fault that I have a vivid imagination and excellent taste in women's clothing?!

Okay, I think I'll just shut up now.

~ 4 coins donated