"Where I Get Rid Of The Negatives"

01/13/2002

I had a rather interesting weekend. No, I didn't go on a safari or even out of town. Hell, I practically didn't leave my house all weekend. What I did do is remember some lessons that I learned when I was younger but for some reason had forgotten. Two women reinforced these "epiphanies" of mine.

One finally came around and crossed an abyss that was preventing open and meaningful communication with someone she loves. The other didn't communicate with someone she professed to love. Two different women, each dealing with communication in her own way and each getting radically different results.

You define your own reality. What I mean by this is that if you believe something is true, then it is or will become true. Mostly you hear that sort of thing at self-help seminars and movie trailers. And I must admit that one of the things that reminded me of this was a book I was reading on Saturday. Yes, a self-help type book now shaddup and let me finish.

I guess the reason that this struck me so hard is that everyday I seem to come up with some excuse as to why I can't work out or why I can't pass up that pizza, sub or cupcake. I was creating my own reality and sabotaging my own health and happiness. Well, let me tell you, that shit stops right now. I am effectively removing the word "can't" and all its negative little cousins from my vocabulary.

I also realized that I was doing the same thing with my relationship. I was looking for reasons why it couldn't work. I kept waiting for the other shoe to drop and to be disappointed as I have been so many times in the past. And that, gentle reader, is NOT the way to go about having a productive, supportive and loving relationship. Be it business, friends, lovers, or a marriage.

Reliving the past only succeeds in making you a victim. This thought goes hand in hand with the other one. I would remember how I haven't been able to lose the weight I wanted or how I didn't reach the goals I had set for myself or how I couldn't pass up that extra helping of gravy on my food. I was basing my chances for future success on the failures of the past. And once again, that is NOT the way to get things done.

Yes, I was doing the same thing in my relationship. I was haboring a deepseated fear that I would eventually get hurt because that's what had always happened before. Now I'm not going to get into how people in my past had let me down because that's not what this is about. It's about the fact that I have been letting the past make my decisions and define my reality. That too, stops now.

I have always believed that the key to substain relationships and foster love is communication. Whether that relationship is with yourself, another or your deity. Silence may be golden but it can also create a breach that only communication can bridge.

well said, Clanchief... remember that men and women communicate differently however... so we all need to be aware of the gender differences that may cloud a sincere attempt to come to an agreement between friends & lovers. want to help me write an article about this? im working on one now... PS: replace "I can't say no" with "I choose not to say no" and see how fast second helpings lose their importance when confronted with an all-you can eat buffet... :) i learned this trick only recently myself... ~ Ani @ 2:07 p.m. EST on 01/15/2002